it's your birthday

To my dear sis whom I met 10 years ago,

Happy 10th Birthday, Yin Yun!

:)

So cute, very bright, and super shy.

She is able to April Fool's me in a beat. Last night, she tricked me into scavenging through shoe cupboards in search of Famous Amos cookies. It isn't April, but she said that fooling me was her birthday present. She can whistle like a songbird.

She is funny and says laugh-out-loud random things. She is observant and alert. She kinda (sometimes) has a poker face. She covers me with a blanket when I fall asleep without one. She plays the drums, albeit very shyly.

She tells my mum to keep a portion of fried chicken for Jie Jie, and brings popcorn home from school for us. She is the second most electricity-saving person in the house (the first being my dad) but splurges on cute fragile mechanical pencils not designed for studying.

She asks me about my friends and who I like. She scream-sings pop songs and oldies in a falsetto along with me when I am stressed or just acting loony. She is probably the only person ever to like my hair in its bed-heady uncombed glory.

She is also very chill; I can't tell when she's having exams.

Cho kiut (so cute).

mrrrhhh

Christina looked up from her practice set, and narrowed her eyes at the sight of her sweetie leaning towards the laptop. There was a man on the open webpage, who looked awfully like --

"What are you doing la."

Yao Yun shifted uneasily and said, "Nothing la. It's just open only~ Not doing anything." She clicked open a folder.

"Who's that?" Christina asked, moving towards Yao Yun and the laptop.

Yao Yun warily watched her come closer out of the corner of her eyes. Christina looked closer at the screen, scrutinising the webpage half-hidden by the open folder.

"It's Adam Lambert...hehe~" Yao Yun said, smiling sheepishly.

ramblings about today

Today, I feel satisfied. This feeling is good...the feeling of a day spent doing something I like, in the company of people I like.

In the morning, I had my Money and Capital Markets paper, which I now know I will not fail, at least, thanks to the MCQ section. Very thankful. After the paper, I went for a good lunch at Bawang Merah with Soyza, CH, Chris, Kenson, Karl and a friend of Karl's.

Headed back to uni to chill. Oh I guess this was the part of the day that was spent doing nothing, the not productive part of the day. I don't know why Soyza and I didn't leave for Pyramid immediately, where we could have walked around. And I don't know why CH and Chris didn't go home either; they were just sitting around the aquarium, alternating between walking aimlessly around and sleeping. Anyway, out of boredom I went to check out the fiction section of the library with Soyza where I had this thought that if I borrowed books from a library I would be able to read more, because it doesn't use up money. This was some sort of mini revelation for me.

Went to Pyramid after that (actually Soyza had been hinting a bit that we should just move to Pyramid, but uh, I was kinda slow in processing it). Soyza went looking around for materials to make some imba poker table surface. Had ice cream and talked. Later, Jun, Cher and Ferns joined us and we watched 'This Is It'. It's interesting and I personally liked it a lot. Shows us how much work goes on behind the scenes when rehearsing and prepping for a concert. These behind-the-scenes footage...already so awesome...I wish MJ had lived to perform live.

Dinner at Nando's. Stuffed and sleepy now. I like days like this. It feels like a really long day. It doesn't seem like I was just sitting in the exam hall this morning, my mind wandering, and thinking about blogging about the things I was thinking about while waiting for the paper to end.

I wanted to come home and watch District 9 before going to bed early, but I don't think I'd be able to concentrate on a movie right now.

Things I thought about during exam:

• boy's clothes
• that Christina looked nice in the outfit she wore to Business Law exam (*wink*, bb)
• my next paper
• holidays
• where is Christina sitting, yo
• OCD
• movie
• I want to leave but I don't wanna jinx anything
• I should just leave cuz there's nothing else I can think of writing
• I won't leave so I shall compensate by going to the toilet and spending a long time there
• 3 MONTHS OF HOLIDAYS YO
• and other random things like why do the invigilators look so young are they students and are they paid to do this

I have one more paper.

Now, am I up for District 9?

Edit:

Yes, I watched District 9. Was very inclined towards going to bed about 11 or so. But Ferns called and said hey, I'm coming over to meet you. Kah Tim kind of ditched him, so he was stuck in Kota Kemuning doing nothing until KT came home from gaming. So yes, we watched District 9. Which was very nice because it wasn't your typical alien movie. Ferns thought the ending was depressing. I did not. I liked it. It is 12:27 am now.

softly now

"Do you remember his scent?"

Cologne, men's perfume... They smell good, sure, and I would love the smell of his clothes, the smell of him standing close to me, the warm whiff I get when he brushes past. I think that signature scents will evoke some sort of heartache when I'm away from him.

But what I would really miss is the smell of him when he is free from sprayed on fragrances. The intimate smell that is only known to someone who is allowed to get close. The warm smell of his body flooding my headspace, flowing over my limbs - the kind you get when you embrace someone, bury your face into their neck and inhale deeply.

This memory isn't just about the scent, it's also about how you got to know this smell; intimacy, exclusivity. The brush of skin, warm shoulders pressed close, the feel of his back vibrating combined with the low whisper of his voice. I'm basking in the sound, his touch and the accompanying smell seals it.

So yes, I'd like to remember the smell of you through your shirt.

Or without the barrier of your shirt.

move fast

I forgot I had this.

May 2006.

what am i doing.

this isn't how it usually works.

i am...i feel...i might even...is this the start of a relap---

i need to get out of this cling wrap.

i want to feel like how cloud felt. reach, grasp, pull, leap...fly.

drop it all and disappear, i wish i could.

are we human, or are we dancers?

Nothing is more memorable than a smell. A scent may be unexpected, momentary and fleeting...yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains.

Mmmm.

Things my nose has reminded me of:

1. My dad's Mazda from when I was barely into kindergarten.

2. My paternal grandmother.

3. Waking up with my face pressed to bedsheets in Singapore.

4. Riding the MRT in Singapore.

5. My aunt's old house in Dungun.

6. A late afternoon huddling in the school lobby while it rained.


There are more of course, but I can't remember right now. It's always very fleeting (but sometimes very strong), that feeling of nostalgia. Sometimes I can't even remember what I'm smelling and it really bugs me then. I'll smell it and my mind will race a little. I'll try to place the smell and ask my mum or dad, "Hey, this smell! Can you remember this? Where is it from?" And they'll say, "What smell...I don't smell anything."

So I'll be left there with my mind furiously working to remember the scent. Sometimes, I won't be able to place it. The reason why my dad's Mazda is right on top of the list, is because it has stuck with me as the only scent so far that I have been able to recognize after much mind-racking. Other than that, it's either I remember it, or I don't.



P.S.: For some reason, I was very tempted to slip in the words 'olfactory nerves' into the post, but by restraint, I did not. However, I am including it in the postscript. Huh.