heart of a little raver

I know you, pengting. You've got the...

A little bird passed my way today, bringing news about a once upon classmate from once upon a time. I was intrigued by a momentary realisation that I never knew this person for the person she truly was - what was she really like?

I remember days in class laughing like there was no end to our days within the four blocks of building that made up our school. Petty sulks made up within the span of recess. Being rough and tumble-ready; uneven and unpolished at the edges. Days that felt like it was going to be great and days that dragged unbelievably long in the heat of noon. Many of us were heros then, strong and forward, rebellious and proud - the kind of invincibility that only youth allows.

What has become of the girl I was? I laugh at the childishness of my acts, the silliness of my words - but I envy her open heart and easy confidence. Her days spent laughing boisterously, perhaps a little too loud, and never elegant - but it was unchartered glee and long lasting happiness. I feel old as each year passes, widening this chasm between her and I fear she'll never catch up with me.

Now back to this once upon classmate of mine - here's a short story from once upon a classroom. She headed up to the front of the classroom, looked straight out at us and gave a greeting. Her delicate hands gestured demurely, palms up. Her words were light as air, but clear and confident. She spoke about friendship and it was an immensely pleasant four minutes. The class clapped and so did I. 'This, class, is how you give a speech! Good job!' Later, my retro-cool English teacher would tell me that she was of 'real lady' material.

I was never a public speaker - my speech before hers was not thought through, unsurprisingly. Neither was I lady material at all; I was what I now identify as the cusp of the most tomboy-ish phase of my life...a phase that would last a good four years and little more. And all I could do during this short exchange about 'lady material', was laugh in agreement and think, 'I'd never want to be a lady if it meant I had to smile demurely and sit delicately in chairs and have soft gentle hand gestures'. I think my body and my soul was simply not meant for that.

I can feel it in you. Bang-bang-slide.

this place

Something, something about...

When did it become so hard to speak? When we became more mature and learnt not to show our hearts where the world can see? When we learnt to suck it up and keep it all in? When we learnt to filter and hit backspace?

I heard a certain piece of advice once, and I thought it was sound. But then think about this - does it keep you sane?

i'll show you

Take me by the tongue and...

I am so blessed, and most people around me are so blessed as well. Our circumstances allow us food, education, protection, health, freedom, shelter - at least much more than a lot of other people around the world. I don't personally know anyone deprived of the basics we take for granted, nor have I met anyone in such a situation. I read about such plights on the news but how can I even begin to pretend to understand?

I want to help people. Maybe in the future, the paths I choose will bring me somewhere in that direction. In the meantime, I think I need to count my blessings and appreciate them more.

blip

Just wanted to say...

that my red Mac hard case is smokin' hot.

I'd whistle at it.

swallowed in the sea: a pretentious interpretation

You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me

And that's what made me see where I was going wrong

You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself

I can only blame myself, you can only blame me

And I could write a song a hundred miles long

Well that's where I belong and you belong with me

And I could write it down or spread it all around

Get lost and then get found or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line and hung me out to dry

Darling, that's when I decided to go see you

You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes

Made me realise what I could not see

And I could write a book, the one they'll say that shook the world

And then it took, it took it back from me

And I could write it down or spread it all around

Get lost and then get found and you'll come back to me

Not swallowed in the sea

And I could write a song a hundred miles long

Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me

The streets you're walking on, a thousand houses long

Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me

Oh, what good it is to live with nothing left to give

Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see

Oh, the streets you're walking on, a thousand houses long

Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me

Not swallowed in the sea

You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea

Yeah, you belong with me

Not swallowed in the sea

;Swallowed in the Sea - Coldplay

And you belong with me... Shuffle brings you songs you haven't heard in a while. And sometimes a certain song catches you at a certain moment and you just feel like, hey, why haven't I noticed you?

Anyone up for a bit of *~interpretation~*? I'm going to give it a shot.

I think it is a love song, and it is tinged with regret. I think the protagonist realises one day that he hasn't been appreciative enough, taking the other for granted. He finds out that he has been taking and taking, the other has been loving and giving. They come to heads about this, and the protagonist hears things that he's never thought about before - and his ignorance causes the other to let him back out to the metaphorical sea. He sees now how selfish he was. He can apologise how much he wants ('write a song a hundred miles long'), he could apologise in as many ways as he can find ('write it down, spread it around') - but what will come of that; he could just be ignored ('get lost'), he might be taken back ('get found'), he could just be another fish 'swallowed by the sea' again, i.e. just friends. The protagonist loves the other, he realises, and he wishes they were still together, because only with absence does he realise that the other used to occupy a perfectly fitting spot in his heart.

Another interpretation I would take about the line 'And I could write a song a hundred miles long, well that's where I belong and you belong with me': he could a write a love story/envision a future together, and that's where he belongs (in the future and/or in love) and believes the other belongs with him in that future.

Yet I also just thought, maybe this loved one has died. He was so in love with this other, this person held his heart...he was spoiled for anyone else, and well he doesn't fault her - it was he who fell so deeply. The times that they spent together felt like a beautiful love story, fit for a book ('shook the world'). But then the world took it away, it took the other away. He might even blame himself for the death, he might feel like he should be with her too, not walking this world alone.

LOL. So was that too literal? Give me your take on it, if you'd like.

coming down

Think of me when you're...

So just some things off the top of my head:

#1

This morning I woke up and the first thing I did was head straight for the shower. I just felt like I wanted nothing more than to shower. Then I sat down with my hair wrapped up in a towel turban-style. Two hours later, I went to the kitchen to make a hot mug of Milo. At one point I was looking for a cloth to dry my hands, and I remembered that I had my towel on top of my head. So I reached up and dried my hands on my toweled head. HAHAHA! That made me giggle.

#2

I have a renewed respect for teachers. Some things we take for granted now, like the ability to do fractions...how did we learn them last time? Our teachers taught us, of course, but they sure did a good job of it since we can remember how to do them now. It is pretty hard to teach someone fractions, I realised today. Maybe it's just because I'm not trained? I'm sure qualified teachers get some sort of training in teaching concepts. Or maybe I'm just not meant to teach -_-

#3

About 6 hours ago, I was feeling relaxed and calm. I was eating a yummy dinner of steamed minced pork and beloved broccoli while watching Half-Blood Prince. I often watch something while eating, but that doesn't necessarily mean I finish the whole movie - more often than not I just stop watching when I am ready to get up and clear the table. As for today's dinner movie, I watched till the part where Dumbledore shows Harry his first memory of Tom Riddle.

#4

Was initially gonna join Chris, Eric and Wai Yee for pizza-making at (somewhere - can't remember), but earlier today decided not to go because I thought I'd do my readings for tutorial. After I got home about 6 pm, I felt like I just wanted to chill (this is bad...) and spend some time alone. Hahaha as if I have been spending time with people. But you get the gist, just wanna kick back and chill. So I stretched out on the couch with my laptop, wrapped in a throw. (Chris got the set-top box thing that enables us to receive digital channels!). Then the pizza making gang came by because the oven at (somewhere) was not working! So we made pizza, and it was super fun!!!

#5

Seriously y'all, make your own pizza! I missed out on making the pizza dough for the base cause they made it before coming over...but rolling out the dough, spreading your own base and putting the toppings then seeing it go into the oven and coming out golden and smelling awesome: EEEEEEEEEE! :D

#6

I need to take a shower now. Smell like pizza.

papa was a rodeo

Before you kiss me, you should know...

Maybe it's too early to say, but I think I will be cutting my hair short within the next two months! See how I've given myself such a long time frame to change my mind? I'm scared, but yeah, I've been wanting to cut my hair for a while now, so now I'll just try to see if I can find a length that suits me...and see how that goes. If I find something that might look good, I'll do it..............

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I hope. *gathers guts*